If you love someone, don’t change them.
Compromise. This is a key aspect of any relationship. We’re not going to get our way a hundred percent of the time in a relationship and we have to accept that fact. We’re going to have to adjust in some shape or form to accommodate the needs of our partners. We have to be mindful and sensitive of our partner’s feelings and emotions before we act or say anything. We must always remember that our words and actions can affect other people in ways that we can’t necessarily anticipate. That’s why it’s important for us to make a few adjustments to our behavior. That’s why it’s important for us to make a few compromises here and there. We have to be able to please our partners the best way that we can so that we can promote balance in a relationship.
But again, sometimes, we get so caught in wanting our partners to compromise, we end up asking them for too much. We try to change the essence of their being so that they can better fit into the narrative that we are trying to form for them. You should never allow yourself to be guilty of this. You can’t force your partner to act in ways that are unnatural to them just so it will make you happy. You have to remember that you are still dealing with another human being who also has limitations and vulnerabilities. You can’t expect your partner to radically change who they are just for your sake. You shouldn’t also have to change who you are for the sake of your partner. There are plenty of reasons as to why trying to change your partner is a bad idea and here are a few of them:
1. That person is not going to change unless they want to.
Unless a person really wants to change, then that person is most likely going to stay the same. You can’t ever force a fish to fly. It would be the same of asking a person to become something they have no interesting in being.
2. You should focus on things that you can control within yourself.
Instead of asking your partner to change for you, maybe you can look inside of yourself and find things that you can change on your own.
3. Changing your partner doesn’t necessarily address the issues in a relationship.
For the most part, issues that arise in a relationship are brought about by external factors. And so that means changing your partner won’t necessarily change the environment or the problem that you find yourselves in in the first place. It might end up becoming a moot exercise.
4. Sometimes, all you need is a change in perspective.
You also have to consider the possibility that maybe your partner isn’t the problem. Perhaps the problem is your perspective on things. You would be surprised at how effective a simple change in perspective could be when it comes to approaching problems in a relationship.
5. It can stifle the communication and honesty in your relationship.
If your partner constantly feels like you are criticizing and judging them for anything that they say, then they will not want to communicate with you anymore. They will not want to be honest to you. And remember that communication and honesty are important in sustaining a loving relationship.
6. Sometimes, it’s better to be forgiving and understanding.
Rather than trying to change your partner, maybe you should just be more forgiving and understanding of their imperfections. That’s the whole point of unconditional love. You love that person regardless of flaws and shortcomings. You have to make sure that your partner always feels loved and accepted.
7. It can generate resentment and ill feelings.
If you want to preserve the love and happiness in your relationship, you are going to want to avoid negativity at all costs. The more you try to change each other, the more resentment and hate that you could be stewing up in the relationship.
8. It can be the source of potential unnecessary conflict.
You have to consider that your partner is reluctant to change. Not all people are going to be receptive of criticism especially if you are dealing it out constantly. If you are always trying to change your partner, you might be instigating some very unnecessary fights.
9. You may be driving a wedge between the two of you.
Remember that relationships are built on intimate and romantic connections between two people. If you are constantly trying to change your partner, then you are essentially driving a wedge in between the two of you. This wedge discourages intimacy and affection between two people.
10. You just give off the vibe that you are an intolerant snob.
You never want to be seen as someone who is intolerant of other people. You can’t always force people to act a certain way just because you don’t know how to interact with them. You aren’t entitled to having people adjust to whatever you want.
Source: Relationship Rules